I ask for one thing.... And now I feel like trash.

I don't ask for much. Recently I just got a new job. I can take the kids, have shitty pay but they're safe and childcare is provided. My boyfriend has a flexible job that allows to to sometimes come home during the day. Today, he did quite a bit around the house. But filters on the sink, organized, cleaned counters and did dishes... Which would be nice, except he didn't do the ONE thing I ASKED HIM TO DO.

Pick up butter and oil. I cook or prep dinner the night before because we have dinner by 530 everyday. I get off at 430, we share one car, he picks us up and it's a 20 minute drive without traffic back to our home. Our toddlers are hungry the second they walk in the door, and while I hold them off with snacks in the car, they need actual food. They're in their rooms starting bed time routine by 7-745 everyday. I text him to ask if he can pick it up tonight, and he says it's no big deal that he can pick it up tomorrow.

Except it's kind of a deal dude. You don't cook at all and you know I hate having to rush. I try and nicely ask him to pick it up over text, and he says they can have leftovers, even though it seems like they didn't like the dinner I made too much. I say okay, but bring up I noticed they didn't eat much and he kind of blows up. Raises his voice, says I can go anyway since I'll just paint this narrative that he's controlling and yada yada yada.

Are you fucking kidding me? You complained about me needing to go somewhere everyday (literally the grocery store, 99.9% of the time), then you DON'T do the one thing I fucking need. Why did I even ask you? I should've just gone myself and braced myself for the attitude you'd cop later.

Anyway, I shut that shit down right away because I don't want the kids to hear it. Tell him it's fine, I can make do because it's honestly not worth it to hear and have him treat me like that in front of the kids.

He sends a text later on apologizing for not picking the butter and oil up. But not for the toxic shit he pulls in front of the kids. Never does he apologize for THAT.

He's not the worst bromos. But it pisses me off so much. He doesn't want me to "spin a narrative" that he's controlling. But he's a micromanager. Everything I do is under constant scrunity to the point where I have to physically force my body to relax when he's around. If you don't want me to think you're controlling then don't do this shit man. Do you think I WANT to constantly be running errands and taking children in tow all of the fucking time? No. I literally take the baby with me 25/7 and rarely leave him with toddler and baby (3 and 1) for more than 30 minutes at a time. Even for mother's Day I spent about 2.5 hours by myself at the store and it felt like he was rushing me back. He guilt trips me and then never admits to it, even when I point it out. I'm always in the fucking wrong.

I just have to let it go and take a breath. I needed to get this out for a second. I'm so tired. I haven't slept through the night in over and year and I feel exhausted and God forbid I just want some fucking alone time for more than 30 minutes.