My husband [22m] was terrible to me [23f] but now he’s not (?)

TLDR: Hey y’all! This is my first post on here and I’m going to be completely honest so please give me some grace. My husband \[22m\] and I \[23f\]have been together for 6 years. In all honesty, we shouldn’t be and thats why I’m here. For the first 5 years of our relationship and into a few months of our marriage my husband had been unfaithful and just plain a terrible partner. However, I have seen genuine changes since March of 2025.
Here is the long part now so bare with me. We started talking and became friends Feb 2020 right before lockdown. We worked together and continued working through the lockdown. In between February to June my current husband \[16 at the time\] and I \[17 at the time\] became close friends. We would hangout at work which turned into hanging out outside of work as well. I had a crush on him but in all honesty was in the middle of a rebound period from my ex so I was also talking and meeting up with other people as well. However in June my feelings for him became more serious and I realized I was no longer interested in anyone else. Because of this, I stopped talking to everyone else and I told him my feelings in the middle of June that year. He told me he also had feelings for me but we continued to hang out as friends for a few weeks. To my knowledge he was also exchanging texts and pictures with another girl at our work who I did know was interested in him. These texts and pictures continued up until July 3rd. On The 2nd of July he took a trip with his family to Colorado and we texted while he was on this trip. He was set to return the 5th and I told him I would like to see him when he got back so we planned on meeting each other late that night. He met me at a park with his sister around 1am on the 5th. His sister left us and while we were talking he just asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. In the mext few months I tried my best to be a good girlfriend and would write letters, give him gifts, and create art for him. I will also say for the first 3 years of our relationship he would get me things here and there but would also not put in any effort celebrate holidays like christmas, valentines, or my birthday and instead would wait on me to plan everything. But, to me at least, it was good on the surface. However within the second month I found he had been texting his exes and confronted him. during this confrontation we argued and at the end he threatened to leave me. It escalated and he blocked me and ghosted me for a few days. Now here I will preface with the fact that I know the way I handle these situations is not healthy. I have an extremely anxious attachment style and was diagnosed with a personality disorder when I was 15. So after he blocked me I left him countless messages, calls, and voicemails. In the end I ended up showing up at his house and finally was able to talk to him. Looking back now, I know he was being extremely manipulative and dismissive during this talk and ended up convincing me he was just checking on their well being and supporting them. I accepted it on the terms that he would not text them again and we got back together. This was the start of a very long cycle. He would in fact text them again. Not only that but he would tell girls at our school he would go on platonic “dates” with them and some went as far to ask if I wanted to third wheel on said “dates”. Again, we would fight, I would get ghosted, I would do everything to get him back and repeat. That continues for about the first year of our relationship. After I caught him cheating with a coworker the final time on New years of 2020 he did actually seem to stop. I believe this is partially because he ended up getting kicked out of his house the end of that month (he was not in the wrong for this one, promise) and moved in with me and my family so its not like he had a choice in it really. Then that leads me to the next issue. My husband has had a porn addiction since he was a preteen. So unbeknownst to me at the time, he had been watching porn our entire relationship. Since he was living with us I ended up catching him and this lead to an issue. Now I understand porn is okay in some relationships, but to me I find it disrespectful and hurtful to your partner. My opinion is that if you have a partner they should be the only one you lust for or at the very least the only one you act on that lust for. That is how I am in a relationship and I expect the same. This lead us back into that cycle once again. We argued, he left and blocked me for a few days, then after I bombarded him he came back and we made up. He said he would not watch porn, I told him it made me feel like shit about myself that he did because I felt not good enough and that was the end of it. Except it wasn’t. He continued to watch porn for years after this. He would use his browser, instagram, facebook, reddit, anything and everything you could think of. Each time Id catch him and the cycle would repeat; argue, block, bombard, back together. During these arguments he would call me ugly, annoying, crazy, a bitch, and at times even hurt me physically. My mental health was already bad before this (I had been assaulted when i was 14 and struggled with suicide since elementary school, yikes) but it was declining more and more. My personality disorder became less and less manageable and I knew I was also getting bad again. Throughout this, I graduated and moved out for college about 40 minutes away but was still so crazy over him. And he continued doing what he was doing so every so often the cycle would repeat. I moved back home after the first semester of my freshman year and would commute. I will admit this was heavily influenced by my lack of trust in him. The cycle would repeat but we lived together at my family’s house again the rest of my freshman in college until he graduated high school in May 2022. Then I made the genius decision to move out with him to an apartment next to my college. I started smoking weed like everyday once we moved in together and have been since. We lived there together, again with the same cycle, and my mental health declined more and more. In January of 2023 it came to an extreme low and I was suicidal. I found him watching porn and looking at OF once again and just broke. I had a meltdown (full blown yall it was mot pretty I wont sugar coat it) he ended up restraining me, forcing me to throw up pills, and called the cops. While the cops were there though he also made it seem like i was trying to physically hurt him because he had red marks on his arm (from me trying to get out of his restraint) He had his family come get him and also told them I was physically hurting him. I want to make this clear, I have never and would never do that. I was harming myself that day physically but never him. This will pop up later in our relationship since his family thinks I hurt him and even after he admitted to them I didn’t they do not treat me well even to this day at times. Despite this I was sent to a hospital and them went home with my family. He had blocked me but unblocked me by the time I got home. He said he loved me and was sorry and we made up. We ended up going back to our apartment and went back to business as usual. I started therapy and was prescribed meds. The cycle would continue yet again, however. We would repeat it every few months but at this point he wouldnt block me anymore we would just argue pretty badly and make up. 2023 is the first year he actually did something for me for valentines day. I told him in may I wanted a life with him. He told me he wanted the same. In September he asked me to marry him, I said yes. I know now it was deeply misplaced but I really did love him. Even though it was really bad sometimes I will say most of the times it was so good. We would go on dates and trips and do all these cool experiences. (I planned them all and was the one to ask him to do them) He was sweet and funny most of the tome and I thought I was in a perfect relationship. Turns out I was just stupid. The cycle continues. We move apartments and there is good and there is really bad but I love him. Flash forward even more and I graduate College in May 2024 and move back to my hometown with him in July. We get married in November and Honeymoon in Japan for 2 weeks. The cycle continued. Flash forward a couple months and his sister moved in with us January 2025. We had a studio apartment so she slept in the same room. During this time he was STILL watching porn sometimes while his sister or my friends or family was there. (he would go into our tiny bathroom connected to the room) He would watch it and masturbate at work which he had done in the past as well but it became more of an issue now because of the lack of privacy at home and almost got caught there at times. My mental health was on the decline again. During this time my brother had a long time girlfriend whose mom was passing away (we knew she would pass within a few weeks) and my family helped her in every way we could. We had known her for over 5 years and she lived with my family for a lot of it so we had grown to become friends. However, during the time that my husbands sister was around she would text my brother asking to hangout late at night when we were asleep and then she my brother ended up sleeping together. I had to be the one to tell his girlfriend and they broke up. Her mom died a couple weeks later. I hated his sister and was mad at my brother. He hated my brother (not for the cheating just because he got with his sister). My husband and I were really rough during this period and would fight nearly every day. We ended up doing shrooms with his best friend and we all had an incredible trip. Then we ended up doing shroom again with his sister and and he had a terrible trip. I comforted him and walked him through it. He has been sober since that day. He started having panic attacks after that and even contemplated suicide. We got him on meds and therapy and he has been sticking to them almost religiously. In my head, that was the snap, but when I ask him he will not afmit it. Since them I feel like I have been living with someone else. He has been kinder and more attentive, less inclined to argue with or blame me, and literally tends to my every need and want. I do not see any signs that the cycle has continued (and trust me I check) but still cannot trust him. Things continued to get better and better and in November of 2025 we decided to move across the country together. In February of this year we made the move and now live with my sister and best friend. Things have been amazing but not perfect. I still struggle deeply with my mental health and some of the time when I need support sometimes he leaves me crying or goes to sleep or tells me he’s tired of dealing with it. He will come around and help eventually but it does make me feel unimportant and not good enough on top of everything from our past. I stopped smoking weed as much since April and I feel a veil of fog has literally been lifted out of my life. But it also made me realize a lot of things I have been complicit of and also made me realize that I don’t know if I really am happy or have just been getting high all day every day. We came back to my hometown this weekend and I think it just clicked for me. Looking back at everything I shouldn’t be with my husband. I shouldn’t have married him. I shouldn’t have said yes. I shouldn’t have moved in with him. I shouldn’t have stayed him it period. We should have been done from the start. I know that. We talked about it and he honestly agrees but we both love each other and really feel like things have genuinely changed since last March for whatever reason. I do still love him but sometimes its hard. I know I have so much resentment towards him and certain things about us. but I also don’t want to throw away this when it took so long to get here and I really really do love him. He wants to really work to make me feel important and enough but I want input because I just feel like don’t know anything. I have already made every bad decision that lead me here and I don’t want to be making the wrong one to stay. I believe him. He has changed and I see it. He supports me and my family and friends. Everyone I love loves him now (which hasn’t always been true) Sorry if this seems aimless or rant-ish but I need outside input. Has anyone been in something like this? Could this actually get better or am I being naive? Im writing this on the flight home so when we get off I’ll post and check back in the morning. Thanks in advance :)