Should I [ F20] reach out to a friend [M20] about a confusing rejection?

TLDR: me and my friend talked about us liking each other but he said it can’t work. Which is fine but I feel like things are weird between us now. And I miss how things were.

I’m conflicted lol. I ‘20F’ started to have a crush on one of my friends ‘20M’ because we started hanging out more and talking more. And I just really admire his personality and the way he interacts with other people. We started to hang out one on one more over the past month and it made me realize I do really like him. I made the mistake of telling a few of my friends because it was so exciting and new.
We’re in a pretty big friend group. I found out that he told some people that he liked me and couldn’t stop thinking about me. Which was great to find out. But at this point everyone knew that we liked each other and people started to talk and ask our friends ‘what do you know about this’. We were supposed to go out to dinner but I wanted to talk a few days before. I had heard he was angry about people meddling and I was feeling extremely anxious over it.
The conversation went interesting. I said ‘I know you know. Cause everyone knows. But I like you. And I don’t want things to be weird I’m sorry’. We talked more and at first he said ‘we could try it but I don’t know how long it would last and I don’t want to hurt you’. And of course I’m confused. Because what.
He says at some point ‘I don’t think I can be in a relationship now. And I don’t know about ever’ and he means in general.
Then later I’m still confused and I want to clarify so I said ‘so do you just want to be friends then’ and he nods. And yeah it hurts but I’m just confused. And I did a lot of thinking about it. Because it’s not just a regular rejection. I know he has problems with relationships due to a past one and I think he’s scared of getting hurt or hurting someone. Which is upsetting because he’s genuinely such a kind and caring person to all his friends. And he’s honest.
We ended up talking about that and other stuff for 3 hours.
I just love talking with him. There’s not a lot of people that I feel like really know me or care about really knowing me but he does. And I just am so interested by him.
But now even though we agreed not to make things weird, things feel weird. We’ve barely spoken and I can’t even look at him. Times when he used to sit and stay and talk with me for hours, he just left.
We’re in college and before we go on break I want to send this message. It’s not about begging him to be in a relationship or about me waiting around for him to change his mind. I just don’t want to become strangers again.
I realized why it bothers me so much is that when I last liked someone, I never got closure and it felt like they never really KNEW me. And when someone else liked me, it freaked me out so much that he would talk about me all the time, because I realized he only liked the idea of me in his head. And he didn’t actually know me at all.

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I dont know if talking about it again would help and i dont want to like drag anything on it doesnt change anything but i guess like ive been thinking, like part of me wonders how you see me. To be seen is to be known and i appreciate that talking with you and hanging out makes me feel seen. I dont know why i care so much lol i guess i just dont want to be strangers again. I wanted to say like i see you and i think thats important to know regardless of anything. I guess I would rather say something than nothing
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I would appreciate input!!!