feeling like an outcast (19f)

I’ve been feeling kind of down lately. It’s so weird because I just accomplished my two biggest dreams. 1) to get into a t10 university, 2) to record a professional piano video. Yet I feel sad. My entire life I have been an outcast, I never really had many friends anywhere. I have like two deep friendships that I’m grateful for, but they’re both long distance. On a day to day, I literally have no one to hang out with. This summer I’m doing an internship with a government organization and it’s just me.

I find it easier to connect with adults in their 30’s and 40’s rather than my teenage age group. I am an extremely tenacious person and I’ve accomplished a lot in my life, but somehow I have always felt this hole and like something is missing. I feel very insecure about myself, whenever I talk to people my own age I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and being judged and I don’t know, it’s often that people won’t even give me eye contact when I’m in a group or even two other people. I always feel like an outcast, that I am different, and the only thing that is saving me from going insane is that I focus on my goals and basically accomplish anything and everything I set out to do.