I want to commit suicide two weeks before graduation.

Ever since late May, there's been so many events at school as well as increased pressure from my parents, especially my dad, enough to the point I want to commit suicide because of the high expectations, constant shaming, rushing to usher me into college when it's not really my thing and I want to start work or enroll in a trades kind of job.

I've passed my final year of cosmetology and received stuff such as the Shear Haven domestic abuse certificate as well as the two barbicide certificates, then, lastly, the certificate that comes after finishing the written cosmetology exam. The practical is also there, but I already planned to opt out due to personal reasons but also just a lack of interest in it becoming a long-term career. But to all the girls in my class as well as those learning and about to enter the cosmetology field, kudos my beautifuls.

My mom had been giving me the silent treatment for nearly two weeks, starting last week after a major dispute and I struck her with the back of my hand when she began to verbally twist the knife deeper and provoke me repeatedly, then she played victim and screamed like a banshee when I lost it. She only spoke this Monday after a Senior Walk took place where seniors visit their elementary and middle schools in their cap and gown. I chose not to go as I didn't grow up in that district. Instead, I attended my trades school as usual while a ton of other students opted out of class to walk. When my mom saw the pictures on FaceBook later that day, she spoke for the first time but to question me for not going, then to call me a "burden", "dumbass", and an "embarrassment". But at that point, I was checked out and I just let loose by saying "I didn't want to go since I'm not from this district growing up". She sneered and walked away. Since then, she's been angry at me and for some reason, really taking a liking to calling me "shitpig" for some reason.

As for my dad, ever since resigning and beginning his new work at home constantly, he's been becoming more involved in my academics once again, butting heads with me over grades, demanding me to show him all my grades and completed/missing work, and interrogating me on every email he gets regarding upcoming stuff for seniors at my school. He never believes me easily too when I tell hin that throughout the school day, I read my emails often and clear them after I understand everything.

The most closest upcoming senior event happening as of now is a Senior Breakfast, where seniors would go to school, socialize with people and friends over special breakfast, get their yearbooks and awards, then head to a 2-hour assembly. For PROM ATTENDEES only, it said, in both emails. I reread the two emails over and over during English class and asked around, and they did confirm that I, a trade school student, didn't have to be there since I had trade school and also didn't plan on going nor was I able to because of one failed government grade, therefore I was on the "unacceptable" list in my sschool. Just moments ago, after a conversation with both parents and me repeating the exact words of the two emails of Senior Breakfast and explaining that I was not required to be there, they lost their marbles. My dad said he'd "beat me if I hid from this one as well", and my mom said "it's time to learn to stop hiding from stuff you shitpig". I had just separated from a one-year partner as well the night prior to today, so that was another heavy load.

I feel very defeated. I am afraid of the big rooms and socializing in a room full of people that leaves me feeling suffocated. I have a handful of school friends, but they have their own friends and it'd worsen things for me to be obviously floating around and following them. The girl who fatshamed me in 8th grade along with her friends are gonna be there. At their grown age. I am 17, they are 18, and they pick on me by calling out to me whenever they see me, then they laugh when I glance at them.