Has anyone else been held back a grade as a child? Do you think it affected your sense of being "behind" later in life?

I was diagnosed autistic very young and was held back a chronological grade in school. I've been wondering recently whether that contributed to a persistent feeling that I've never quite caught up with my peers.

What makes it a bit stranger is that my birthday is earlier in the calendar year. If i had been born towards the end of the year, closer to 1997 than 1996, I don't think the age difference would have felt nearly as noticeable.

I was one of the older students in my year group despite being held back, which sometimes made me feel even more aware of it.

In primary school it didn't seem like a huge deal. But once high school started, the gap felt like it widened in ways that weren't necessarily academic.

Everyone else seemed to be effortlessly picking up social dynamics, friendships became more nuanced, dating entered the picture, and there were all these unspoken expectations around growing up that I never seemed to receive the manual for. Looking back, I don't know how much of that was simply autism and how much was being acutely aware that I was technically older than many of the people around me.

I sometimes wonder whether being held back planted the seed for a narrative that followed me into adulthood.

I've done plenty of things. I've lived abroad, completed a degree, worked in different industries, travelled solo, and pursued projects that many people never attempt, despite no traction. Yet that feeling of being behind has been surprisingly persistent.

I'm curious whether any other autistic women experienced something similar. If so, do you think it affected how you viewed your own progress later in life?