[Real] (05/04/26) Catching up

I haven't written for some a while. I was even debating if I should write now because it is late. Well, I am here, so let's do this 😀.

A lot has changed in the last few months. I now work somewhere else. I have been trying to figure out if I messed up with this decision or if I am just having a hard time because I am uncomfortable with something new. I always try to reassure myself that change is uncomfortable and even at times sucks, but it will get better. I make more now financially, but I feel like I do less. I don't enjoy it. I sat with what my co-worker/friend said. He pretty much told me that I was just making more money and I wasn't doing it for the people. How it was unfair the gap in pay for management and the employees.

I didn't do it for that reason. I jumped ship because I feel bad decisions should have consequences. I had to stand up for myself. If you can't stand up for yourself, no one will do it for you. I spent a few days driving around, stuck in my head, and upset with my choice. I had to break down what was bothering me about my new role. What bothers me is the gap in employees' pay. The lack of structure and hearing employees share their feedback and ideas. I miss all of that. My team meant a lot to me. Holding people accountable for my employees meant a lot to me, too. The people I held accountable were management and the people who could change things for the better for my team. I miss interviewing and developing employees. I was proud of the employees I helped develop. Some of them still message me.

Currently I have been getting my old employees children. I don't see a plan for progress for operators, and for me, that is heartbreaking to see. I will have to start a plan for how to accomplish that because it is important to me and the business. People leave business that don't have a way for them to grow. I don't want to be part of that problem, so I will need to be part of the solution.

I did get rid of all of the extra money I received from taking the new role. I invested it into a Roth and 401k. I now have 9% going into retirement. Currently, I have 6% into my 401k, 3% going into a Roth, and 6% company match into my 401k. My goal is to match what my company offers into the 401lk (completed) and continue to add to the Roth until I max out the allowed amount. I will go back to the 401k after I max out the Roth because it is tax-free when I retire.

As for my friend. We completely stopped talking, and it has been around a month. I miss him, but I don't know if we could get back to being friends. He seems to be one of those types of people who will not want friends. Especially with us being the opposite sex and because we had gotten too close. I miss hearing from him. I miss talking about plants and hearing his updates on the things he has been building and his long-term building plans for his house. Him and I were close, so it really sucks that we can't be friends. He is more of a "I don't want to waste my time talking to you if we are not going to date. I think he has an issue with getting close to people. Plus, he hasn't seemed to notice that having friends is healthy and good for you. I'll push on, though. It doesn't mean I don't miss our talks and shared passions. I miss it a lot.

The last four weeks have been a building frenzy on my days off. My other half built me garden beds. I helped hold them together to drill, but he did a lot of the cutting, staining, and putting liners in them. We also spent so much time filling them with compost. It must have been 5 truck loads. It was a lot of shoveling. I filled all of the beds except on with seeds and flowers. We also made a pretty walkway, and I filled that with flowers, too. It will look better when it is established and the plants start flowering. I still have one bed to fill with flowers (72 plugs), and both porches need to have plants in the flower pots. It is a lot of work, and I feel my vision of what I want needs time to develop in my head. The walkway vision and the flower beds used all my creativity. They look beautiful. I will work on that stuff next week.

My daughter graduated, and the next few weeks, I will need to put most of my energy into her stuff for her graduation party. I'll discuss more of the graduation stuff and how I feel about her going off to college a little later. I am pooped out, and I need to be up early. I have been spending Thursdays food prepping. I am trying to get used to the change in my schedule because I haven't been getting enough rest, and I am so tired at work and after work.

I am going to call it a night and get some rest.