My ex wanted my aunt and cousin while secretly back with his ex and leading me on at the same time.

I genuinely don’t know how to process how disgusting and hurtful this situation was.
my ex and i had a long toxic relationship full of lying, emotional cheating, mixed signals, and manipulation. he ended up breaking up with me before my birthday and after we broke up, he kept me emotionally attached by flirting with me, promising we’d get back together one day, drunk texting me saying he loved and missed me, sleeping with me, then turning around and saying he only wanted friendship and blaming me for always “interpreting”everything and talking smack about me to others but still led me on meanwhile, i later found out he was already back with his ex the entire time. he ended up blocking me after i had found out and he cut me off.

but honestly, one of the things that hurts me the most now is something else entirely. while he was already back with his ex, he was talking inappropriately about my own aunt and cousin. not just surface level comments either, he was talking about wanting to “try” things with them, considering them as his women, talking about relationships and marriage/kids in a weird fantasy way, even referring to my grandfather as his “father-in-law.” and considering my mom as his “sister-in-law.” and how she used to be his mother in law.

and what makes it even more painful is that those family members already made me feel invisible my whole life and i already had problems with them in the past. my aunt and cousin don’t like me and my grandpa never considered me as his granddaughter ever since i was only 9. i already carried resentment and hurt from feeling ignored or treated like a ghost around them, so hearing my ex sexualize and romanticize them while i was the one who actually loved him completely shattered something in me.
it made me feel humiliated, resentful, and honestly disgusted.

the worst part is he was doing all of this while presenting himself publicly as a committed boyfriend to the ex he went back to, he treats her the way he never treated me and does things for her that he never did for me. so now i feel like I’m sitting with all these horrible truths while everyone else gets the cleaned-up version of him.

i think what’s messing me up mentally is realizing i was begging for loyalty and basic respect from someone who was entertaining literally everyone around him emotionally or mentally at the same time. all the love i had for him is completely gone and i genuinely resent him for every single thing that he’s done to me and i feel like he ruined my life.

i don’t really know how to move on from this because of how much pain all of this caused me and i have so much built up anger towards my ex for all the things he’s done to me. i never really got to confront him about any of the stuff that i found out since he blocked me right after i had found out that he had been with his ex the entire time when i saw his anniversary post and i connected the dots. idk how to get through this since it still hurts so much and even if i were to get over it, idk how i’ll feel if i were to bump into him one day. i also feel uncomfortable to even be around my aunt and cousin since im always in the same circle as one of them which makes me feel weird knowing everything my ex has said about them and i don’t wanna act as if everything is fine but idk how to even deal being around them or even hanging in the same circle as my aunt or cousin either. i wouldn’t even want to be around my ex either and even if one day i do see my ex around and if i were to confront him, he would still act like the victim and treat me as the problem like he always has before but i have so much built up anger in me and idk what to do.