Im so messed up and suicidal because my mom doesn’t allow me to have a gf and im 30 and i pay rent (since we live in the same apartment)

This has been an ongoing thing since I was a teen my mom always tried to split me between girls that were openly into me if she knew them. She didn’t even want me to text my female cousin cause we have a bond. And my current gf my mom doesn’t fw her at all even tho she’s super super pretty and likes music and video games. She thought it was okay with her coming into my room because my mom thought she saw me platonically, but we ended up being sleeping together after drinking wine and my mom walked into my room without knocking and saw her clothes on the side of my bed. I’m just really suicidal because I know multiple guys and girls that can just chill with their bf or gf in their bedroom whenever, and it depresses me and I told my brother (who also lives here) about this and he just said to leave it between me and my mom and honestly that gave me some leverage cause at least we both knew this girl since high school. And my gf suicidal too cause her mom is just as strict as mine but I guess there’s a reason why we’re a couple.