Am I a terrible person?

I was over 2 years clean when I relapsed. It’s been a slippery slope since and I don’t really what to do. I hate myself so I just feel more tempted to use. I so badly want a sponser or someone to talk to who gets it. I lost my dad in October and he was lot like that person in a way. He’s gone now and I’m so lost. If you know any sponsers or people who just wanna talk addiction. Pls comment or message me. I’m so alone and a lot of the time I get so alone I turn to my xans again.