I'm ashamed of meeting my college bestie in Novemeber 😢

I had a group of 3 in college (26F, 26F & 27F). All of us were from different branches. They both came from better, more liberal, social families living in tier-1 metro cities while I came from a backwards type tier-3 town which is conservative. Initially my family wasnt even sure to send me to that college as it was far away, but later since it was a good one, they did.

Me and this particular bestie wanted to go abroad. She went right after college, during covid. Brave decision. Her parents also wanted that.

My parents were reluctant. i had to fight so much just to come to metro city. Now they are proud of me but it's not the same.

I'm currently living by myself in a tier-1 metro city and am a developer in FAANG. I'm earning well, about 2.5L per month. And I lost all the weight in college - look above average (not as much as my besties).

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My second bestie from same group is marrying in November. That means there will be a friends reunion that time. We all couldn't meet after graduation and are meeting after 5-6 years.

I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. What should I show to them, that I'm a loser who still hasn't gone abroad at fcking 26.5 years old? She is a smart lady to have gone at 22.

I'm so ashamed that I'm thinking to skip the event. I just cant face the reality that I'm a failure . I dont deserve to be her friend. Because we used to talk day & night roaming in college about how we will live abroad, and I was even specific with countries

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It's just a rant, I'm feeling hopeless, empty and s*icidal right now. I'm so embarassed of myself and my low iq to have not made it in life and almost reached 30 being the same loser as I was at 20.

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I still want to go abroad, I'm even actively researching options - because I need to be well-informed before quitting my stable job, but now I cant even talk about it as people will laugh at me "didnt she used to want that at 19-20 also yet the failure is still here and not gone yet". I want to hide myself from this world.