I want my cancer to take me away from this life

(M21)My life since childhood has been very turbulent, and from a very young age I did bad things that I regret day after day. Nowadays, I find myself extremely cornered because I have OCD and borderline personality disorder, so the guilt and fear are tripled. This year I discovered a malignant cancer (a tumor in the retroperitoneum), and there's a chance it could kill me, and I hope it does, because I've already suffered too much in this life, and I don't want to suffer anymore. I don't want to deal with my mind, I don't want to deal with my guilt, my fears, my insecurities, and my paranoia. I just want to be able to rest in a grave where I will never suffer again. I sound radical saying this, but I've tried to take my own life several times, and now that I've discovered this cancer, I wish from the bottom of my heart that I will die from it, because I don't deserve to live.