living with a “disability” and looking for help

i honestly don’t know how to start. i’ve never used reddit. never been on here but ive seen videos of people reading reddit stories. i find most of them hilarious, wild or straight up idiotic. but i’ve seen some with people asking for advice. i dont know if this is me asking or if im venting but here i go. i’m a 29 year old girl. 3 years ago i went through something, id rather not get into because it involves an attempt on my life. i had to be intubated which caused my trachea to narrow or scar? it’s called tracheal stenosis if you wanna look into it. anyway, anger 2 1/2 years of procedures and surgeries, i ended up having to get a trach back in october 2025. it’s a tube coming from my neck. there’s alot of care that goes into it. ordering a bunch of medical supplies every month, sleeping with a humidifier mask every night. having to clean it. putting a cover around my neck in the shower cause i’ll drown if one drop of water gets into it. i can do 99% of everything myself. here’s where it gets a litte harder. i live with my parents. i cant work because of the trach. i cant drive because i got my license revoked years ago from a dui, im an alcoholic in recovery for about 8 months now. because of that, ive ruined every friendship, relationships and everything. i know that. i’ve worked the steps and have tried to make amends but i cant force people to accept my apologies which is completely fine. but thats left me with no one to talk to. i did it to myself. but im stuck in my parents house. my mom wont let go. she makes every decision for me. tells me when i can can’t leave the house. i can only go places with her. she holds onto my ID and debit card. holds on to my medications. she’s been telling me to lose weight cause i gained a lot from depression. i know i gotta get in shape and im really trying. the only way i know how is to not eat because i was anorexic for half my life. that’s also besides the point and i know as soon as i hit post, im gonna shut my phone down and just cry all night. i’ve always lived to make other people happy, smile, laugh , and feel important. i’ve never ever expected that in return. never asked for it. that’s me. i want friends but i don’t reach out anymore. i was reaching out and trying everything before the trach. before i made that dumb decision. i feel hopeless at this point. to scared to die or do anything about that cause it’ll cause worse health issues if it’s not successful. i want friends but im not begging anyone to talk to me. i honestly just wanna put my feelings out there cause im hoping it’ll help. if anyone takes the time to read this. it’s a lot and im so sorry for rambling. that’s only like 10% of my life. haven’t even gotten into my twin and how bad that situation is. but i’m gonna stop here. thank you to anyone that takes the time to read this 🧡