Why do I still miss her after all this time and everything that happened?

Hi all. I (M27) have been a lurking this subreddit for a while and getting the chance to read and learn lots of things from discussions that happen.

I want to get a better understanding of what and why I still feel what I feel for my ex.

Some context, we were together for about 3.5 years and it officially ended around March 2024. I caught her texting someone, and the conversation was a lot about them missing each other, how they he was better than me, and her wanting to see him (not sure if she ever did, she said she didn’t but couldn’t fully believe it). I never knew who this person was, but it was obvious it was someone from her past.

That was just the breaking point as we were already having problems of neglecting each others needs (both not communicating) and starting to be unhappy/build resentment. After the break up, it was kind of on and off for the rest of the year. She moved out(own a home together), we wouldn’t speak to each other while still living together, and it was a roller coaster of emotions. (Definitely not perfect as I made mistakes and could definitely have done things differently or better. I’ve recognized these faults of mine after the time has passed)

December of that year, I found out she was meeting up with random person and texting men trying to be what seemed like a sugar baby. Again she cut it off. Fast forward to about February/march of 2025 and she randomly showed up to the house. Her reasoning was she just wanted to make sure I was okay.

This kind of started into us talking to each other again and just going on small dates for about a month. There was a day she had came over and I had a phone call with a friend. After I ended my call, she said she needed time and ghosted me. Since then, we had one conversation where she explained she did it because she felt disrespected and that it would be the last time we would ever speak to each other.

It’s been over a year since that conversation and here I am wondering why I miss her at times and I have to glimpse of hope that maybe in the future it’ll work out for us.

Why? After the disrespect I felt and the feeling of I deserve better, why do I still have this hope? I know healing isn’t linear and I’ve been much better since it all went down, but I can’t seem to shake this feeling of yearning for her? I’ve been of a few dates, but it never felt like I could continue with those connections.

I’m not rushing myself into anything as I feel like that when I meet someone who’s meant for me, I’ll know/feel it. Until then, I just want to understand these emotions I still feel towards her.