Advice needed

Do it scared the books say and disappeared for 2 years or so from the internet, doing better now but was a truly disappointing teen that disappointed parents tm. Too much. It was a dark time. Being an only child and having older parents, they were very patient. They are the best. After coming back home, some moments happen that trigger their anxiety and it burns, breaks, my heart. I troubled them so much. It feels bad when I try to do normal my age stuff now. I am not allowed to do that if I was such a pain to my parents. All these instagram stories, friends, daydreaming?Wtf? I can't afford that. They don't want me to get close to internet like I was at 14, I made some money back then and had different perceptions on life. 2 yeas ago, on this same subreddit, I was talking about abuse and all this but no. I was not the victim man. Now I understand them but this guilt about the past won't do shit. Thinking of fr going away again for another 2 years. The opportunity to pay off my parents home loan lies infront of me. I went away, blocked, deleted. No one could find me, or I didn't leave a trace? I don't want to think about it. Reddit, discord and the people are still there. So much happened in my lif3 and the Internet people and the people I called friends didn't do nun. Perhaps, in relationships, I myself disappear and then expect people to still be there? I don't know man.

Point is parents stayed till here man. They are the only people on this planet that care about me being alive bro. The 2 years were hell. I was treated so badly. And now I'm back home, oh the safe place. The memories of my bad behavior hurt me, hurts me even more to see how much it hurt th3m.

Now, prepring for neet. I am the age I always pret3nded to be on the internet.

Nostalgia is a lier. Dmed people again but still I don't know, I received replies, but they just replies. All this can wait another 2 years? I need time to become worthy of being my parents daughter first . This offline journey doesn't have the flashy capcut edits or the songs and stories but it's real. I can't afford to daydream. My 12 year old self was the reason why my parents and grandma were distressed sm.

There are things I did that I can't even get myself to write in the diary. Things I try to run a2ay from. But what can this regret do?

Nothing. Kill the social life or 2hwtever. There is no social life anyway. It was never there. All peers are going abroad but 2gat will stalking them do man?

Social media and comparison.

I hate being an only daughter

2 years ago I thought me Making money would help but it backfir3d so much.

The most recent thing?

Parents are religious,

I stole out of I don't know, vengeance. But stole from the place I had went to for these 2 years. I stole books. Got caught, returned and dad paid 2400 rs for those lost.

Over?

Dad was deeply disappointed. Did you not feel any shame taking th3 books?

It was a long story

Today dad said jokingly, i am trying to forget about it don't r3mind me all that.

Oh.

mistakes have such big magnitudes

One said interview couldn't be cleared b3cuase stolen stuff was pr3sent in the house.

I have torn parts of those books in my bag. It's been 2 months, I can't get them out. Because the last time I did, it all back fired again, maybe universe wants me to carry all that on my shoulders till time?

I have some craft supplies I took from the art complex there. No one knows. It's not a big deal?

But dad said even if no one knows, its stealing

It's in a different city I can't even return.

It's in the store room

My deeds are bringing negativity into my life?

It's karma but I can't do anything about the goods.

No on will take craft supplies, nor these outdated books( not stolen but hoarded, stolen ones were returned)

Trust has been broken so much that this hoarding can't even be explained to him.

It was deeply disheartening to not have anyone at certain points of life which is why I am scared of isolate again to focus on myself. I'll make reddit posts like I used to before but not make online friends again ig.

It is lonely man

But again I am not allowed to feel all this after being such a demon

Play the victim card? What a coward move

Last take, I am going to focus on myself again and forget about the normal internet stuff for another 2 years because I am not able to balance. Not going to daydream and all that. Focus on repaying the debt. Not get into quick money things. Make salads and take dad to the gym and all that.

Easier said than done but it's my decision now.

About the stolen stuff? I don't know what I can do. Just wanted to tell reddit about it.