trans and bpd

Just wanna talk about something
I’ve had something like a third eye eye opening awakening and realize so many of the bpd traits I struggled with are from being trans and in denial /
insanely in the closet, on top of abuse
addiction and abuse . i know deep down I am a man and can’t transition till I move out. The thought of losing my mother drives me insane because I lost my dad to his issues as well as him thinking I’m trans like it’s selfish as if it’s not the only thing that help me feel truly happy. I’ve know since I was 3 . At least I’m not alone but feels like it