Back again! Bear with me this is going to be a longer vent lol So I (26F) have this friend from high school and college, let’s call her Maria (27F). Maria can be so sweet but she’s also very troubled and when it comes to people she can be spiteful. Lately I’ve just been seeing her ways with people she calls friends and it rubs me the wrong way. 

Maria didn’t have a great childhood and has issues with her parents who were admittedly very selfish. She’s made great strides in going to therapy but idk her problems really reflect in her relationships. She was the friend who got into toxic relationships but still wouldn’t leave. It got so bad that she’d drag other friends into things only to go running back to men who treated her poorly. But she owned up to this period, apologized to her friends for not being in the best state during that time, and started therapy to get better. I really admired her for this. But I feel like she uses this same pattern in friendships. Things get bad but the worse they are the more she clings to people.

So for one, Maria had her own childhood friend  but she would constantly tell me about how terrible this girl was and how this girl never treated her right. Yet she’d still call this girl her best friend. Even once when I went to visit Maria for a day she said “oh I can’t wait for you to meet my friend.” She said this fully knowing the day before on the phone she told me how awful the girl is and how she hates her. Finally she cut off the friendship with the other girl but it always bothered me that she would talk so much crap about her but then be in her face acting like besties. She did this to a mutual friend of ours too. She just didn’t like our mutual friend Alex, who is super sweet and did nothing to her. Instead of just saying that or distancing Maria would treat Alex horribly and purposely exclude her at group hangouts. I had to tell Maria I’m not going to tolerate that behavior and I won’t hang out with her if she can’t be real with Alex. Maria denied it at first then admitted she was being mean to Alex on purpose. I said either you talk to her or just end the friendship but I’m not going to watch you be mean to another girl. So she and Alex talked it out, Maria apologized, and they’re civil. But again being two faced.

The most recent weirdest thing is she met a girl while volunteering who is a very sheltered trad wife. Husband is full Trumpie and very ignorant people. Maria is very liberal yet somehow made friends with this girl. Like clockwork Maria starts telling me how stupid the girl is, how she’s so ignorant for her views, how her husband is a jerk too, and how she’s embraced to be seen with them. But this couple has a toddler and Maria will spoil the kid and go visit them 24/7 to see the child bc she loves kids.  But to me I told her if you don’t like them so much then stop hanging out with people who have different values than you. But Maria will just brush me off and say it’s hard meeting new people. So every few weeks she’ll rant to me about how stupid her “friend” is and how bigoted she is but then go say she’s gonna spend time with the same woman’s young child. It’s weird.

Then one last thing lol Sometimes Maria can be very self aware and great at listening to my problems but then other times it’s like she tunes me out. Last year I was finishing grad school and I had a final project I was on with other students. I spent months telling Maria how this one girl made my life miserable, was lazy, and how she was rude to me. I basically had to carry this girl through this research project. Yet one time I told Maria that I cut this girl’s hours because she wasn’t doing great work with the project. Maria then proceeds to call me the bad guy and say I shouldn’t exclude her and to be nice . When I pointed out how stressed she made me, Maria just said “ I guess but aw idk I just feel bad.” But if I said that about any of the people she hates she would accuse me of invalidating her feelings.

Idk I love her but I feel like I can’t trust her sometimes and that she’s still very emotionally immature. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her bc I see how she lashes out at others who have “wronged” her. It makes me wonder if the friendship is even worth keeping, thoughts? Also food is pesto fettuccini with spinach !

Contemplating ending a friendship