i’m jealous of my friend getting a bachelorette trip

i (24f) and my friend (24f) are both getting married soon. i am getting married in october. she is getting married in august. i recently went on a bachelorette trip with my friend, and i have been left with a feeling that i do not want to have. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i am SO happy for my friend. i am so so happy for her that she got to have this. however, i cannot help but feel jealous because all these girls on this bachelorette trip made sure to all come together to help make sure this thing happened for her. my friend (the bride) didn’t pay for anything. she’s been pampered. everyone made sure to be here and communicate with each other. there was a “letters to the bride” book coordinated for her with pictures of us with her taped into it. all the girls made sure it was all put together to make the bride feel special. all of this is just as she deserved. she most certainly deserved to have a bachelorette trip to remember. she is such a kind and loving person.

i on the other hand do not have that. my girls do not have money, but i don’t hold that against them. nothing is being coordinated. nothing is being planned. it feels like nobody is making me feel special. it sucks because i know i make sure to make people feel special. if my sisters (who are my best friends) were getting married, i would make sure that they got something like this. i know my girls don’t have much money, but i would take anything that might be coordinated from them. i feel like a child. i feel like i’m making this all about me. but don’t worry. i did NOT let it show when we were hanging out and celebrating her. i just don’t know how to deal with this feeling. i feel like i am missing out on the bride experience. maybe im being dramatic. i don’t know. this feeling sucks. i feel selfish and like i am a child, but i feel like all my life, i have been the one to make people feel special and important. i feel like when it comes to me though, it’s a different story.

for some more context, there is a bridal party groupchat where everyone can communicate with each other. i was asked about my thoughts on having a bachelorette trip/party, and i responded with the fact that i would love one, but i don’t want anyone emptying their pockets for me.

if you read, thank you for reading. i feel like i can’t really talk about this with anyone. i feel like i can’t talk to any of my best friends about this because i don’t want to make them feel bad about themselves for not doing something like this for me.