i hope i die soon and not a painful death

i genuinely hope i die soon because i don't really see a point in existing i just move by passively i try for goals but i don't feel it's enough for me to not hope just enough so i don't think about it and i dont think ive ever been happy i don't believe in my death i'll even have 7 mins of memories something happy i don't believe ive never been happy and i dont wanna stick around for disappointment. i know my parents will suffer a huge loss but everything they put me through in my childhood it's hard to care about their feelings when they don't of mine