lHello I’m a teen girl that recently released I might be queer. Up till now I have yet to be in a relationship. It wasn’t that I was too busy or just wasn’t ready, I really wanted to be in one. For years I’ve told my friends and classmates I was asexual because all the girls had exes and boyfriends but they have never heard me even utter a word about a guy. I just realized recently that it wasn’t that I was asexual or just didn’t like men but that they just weren’t my type and I was also bisexual with a preference of girls.

It took me YEARS to realize but ever since maybe kindergarten but I can’t remember much so I’ll use middle school I liked soft and reserved guys. I liked guys that was thin ,smooth skin, soft features not really masculine at all. And I know you might say ”oh so you’re just a lesbian” but that’s not it. I liked that even tho they are feminine they were still boys. I’ve always been someone to not follow stereotypes I was the type to want to work and come home to my lover everyday. I hated how people expected me to be someone’s house wife one day. As I grew up I had many opportunities to have a relationship but these guys were too manly and just wasn’t pretty at all. As years passed I started consuming a lot of media that allowed me to see pretty guys. I got into kpop where the guys were all so pretty and I got into Bl where I’d see twinks all the time. Then I started to even follow feminine guys on TikTok. At that point I was sure I loved guys that looked like girls but at the same type I can tell they are men If that makes sense ? . Also as much as I can date a guy if they fit with this description, I’m not sure I can marry one which is why I said before I had a preference for girls. And I swearrr I like guys like I want dk I swear (the only thing I could say to convince u idk lol) But I don’t see my relationship with a man as something forever.

Ok about liking girls now. It’s not that I didn’t realize I likee them but I just told myself I didn’t. I knew all along. I just blamed it on being explored to weird things at a child that made be become hyper sexual. But I’ve always liked girls since middle school. I have blurred memories kissing my bestfriend in kindergarten but again I can’t say much because I don’t remember much. In middle school, around 4th grade there was a girl I was friends with. I loved her but at the time I wasn’t sure if I loved her as a friend or something else. I wanted to basically be her. She had short hair I wanted short hair, the way she talked I wanted to talk even the shoe she wore I wanted it. She was just so perfect and she was so kind to me. I shared sm great memories with her. Later we grew distant because we landed in different classes . I was devastated. We graduated and I never spoke to her again and even if I could I wouldn’t because I was weirdly attached to her and it was not healthy. That attachment didn’t stop tho, even tho I had no contact with her 8 years later I bought that same shoe she wore from 4th grade. Even tho I understand I’m into girls presently I still don’t understand why I was like this to this day.

Another way how I was sure is after my 8th grade experience lol (shii always go done in 8th grade). In 8th grade I had two friends. I loved them both and I think it was in a “ I am gay” way. YESS I liked them both at once (I KNOW IM CRAZY Lol). I originally started talking to only one of them but the other girl was her friend so we just automatically became a trio ig. But the friend of the girl I orginally started talking to let’s call her Kim was sooo pretty. I started getting that same feeling from middle school where I wish I was her. When we talked she wasn’t the type to make eye contact so I was glad I could admire her face especially her long lashes when she looked to the sky ANYWAYS enough of me basically being in love with her. The other girl let’s call her Macy was hmm idk maybe not as pretty as I thought Kim was but I like her because she was quite but also dirty minded. DON’T JUDGE ME I WAS SOO HYPER-SEXUAL. The three of us was really close and we had a very ‘flirty’ trio thingy going. One day Kim came to me and sat in my lap with her head on the desk. I SWEAR IF I WAS A GUY I WOULD HAVE BEEN STANDING UP. She kept moving around and adjusting her body to feel comfortable and I kinda wished it lasted forever. Behind me sitting on the desk was Macy with her hands wrapped around my neck. I know I’m a little weird for remembering this in detail but I was RIGHT WHERE I WANTED TO BEE. Even tho they might just thought of it as typical girls being touchy and close I was literally having a gay awakening. When I stopped talking to them I cried for days ..lie it’s been 4 years and I still cry thinking about them ( YES I STOPPED TALKING TO THEM CAUSE THEY BOTH HAD BOYFRIENDS AND I WAS MENTALLY KILLING MYSELF OFF CAUSE SOME UGLY GUY NOT EVEN CUTE OR PRETTY RUINED MY PERFECT YURI TRIO LIFE)

but Yh basically I’m gay as fuxk , like femboys and a pervert. HAPPY PRIDE and don’t fall for straight people like me !!💔