The other day I was talking to my ex. We’re trying to work things out right now

Somehow the topic of gifts came up, and I joked that I never buy him gifts anymore because he never likes anything I pick out anyway. Like I’ll genuinely think he’ll like something, and then somehow the color is wrong or it “makes him look like he coaches Little League” or something. So jokingly I said, “well I guess you save me money then.”

And he responded with, “Well I definitely didn’t save any money.”

That comment hit me really hard, mostly because it’s not the first time money has been brought up between us. I’m very sensitive about it because I’m currently just studying and don’t have a job right now. It’s complicated, but basically I’m not financially independent yet. So when he says things like that, it makes me feel guilty and small, even if he says he “didn’t mean it that way.”

I asked him why he keeps bringing up spending money on me if it supposedly doesn’t bother him. He kept saying it doesn’t bother him, but then he’d say another comment that implied it clearly does. I told him I feel like there *is* an issue there, and I wanted to talk about it because to me, the only way to fix problems is to actually talk through them. But he didn’t want to because he said it would just turn into an argument.

Then I started spiraling a little because it made me question bigger things. Like if we ever got married someday, am I supposed to still feel guilty anytime money gets spent on me? Am I supposed to worry about “keeping score” forever? I’m not saying I expect a man to completely take care of me financially. I don’t mind contributing. Realistically, we’d probably both need incomes anyway, especially in California. But is it really wrong that part of me wants a relationship where my partner *wants* to provide sometimes without making me feel bad about it?

There have been other moments too. One time in Japan, I was overwhelmed planning the trip and asked him if he could just put the places he wanted to go into the Word document so I could organize the routes better and avoid wasting money on trains going back and forth. He snapped at me and said, “I’m already paying for the trip, the least you could do is plan it.”

That honestly crushed me. Especially because I never forced him to take me. In fact, I told him if he felt like he couldn’t afford it or was going to resent it, then don’t take me on trips. But he insisted he wanted to.

Now we’re trying to reconnect, but comments like the one about “definitely not saving money” still happen, and it just leaves me confused. Does he secretly resent spending money on me? Is this normal? Am I overreacting? Or is this actually something deeper about incompatibility and how we both view relationships, money, and partnership?

I genuinely can’t tell anymore if I’m being too sensitive or if my feelings actually make sense.

Dinner:   
Sugarfree chocolates

Is there something wrong with me?