True off my chest.. again

17, almost 18M

I'm not even gonna lie, I want to be held right now. Like.. really held. And not by just anyone, by like a huge girl. I'm talking 300 pounds or something. I understand that sounds weird to some, but that's been my taste since forever. It was a f**ish at one point and now it's just.. me wanting affection. I love fat people.. they make me feel safe.

I have no close friends. I don't feel safe with anyone, and the very few I actually do feel safe around I feel like they'll leave me for one reason or another.

I want to be held by someone fat, just hugged and told everything will be okay.