I really feel like my internal pulse / timing is awful and barely improves over time

Been playing for many years and I genuinely believe it still sucks. I played in a band for years, with focused practice (actual real practice with a good teacher). Idk this seems more like a talent than everything else I've practiced. Obviously it's not exclusively a talent but anecdotally it's absurd how slow it comes compared to literally everything else. And yes I know comparison is the thief of joy, but this is the one thing that bugs me.

I still struggle playing 8th notes consistently with a metronome, and just using metronomes in general. Yes I practice with them, and yes usually I can find my place again but a lot of the time it turns into a train wreck

I think by far my worst attribute is my internal pulse without drums, metronome, or anything of that sort. Just absolutely abysmal, and sometimes I can tell when I'm off and sometimes I can't. Still in the "listening back is always extremely painful" phase

With drums it's miles better (which I know is the norm) but simultaneously far from what I consider good. Remembering and taking in rhythms is a struggle too

I know everyone has self doubt and thinks they suck in many ways to an extent, but for literally everything else of my playing I can see it a bit more objectively. Fuck man this is the one that hurts especially as a bass player.

Though I do have some shining light on myself watching back certain videos of me that aren't really considered easy. My internal pulse without many subdivisions is the biggest culprit by far. I might just be in my own head