Depression another level??

Pleaseee don't read if you feel triggered by bad thoughts or depression I don't want to put anyone else in a worse situation. I guess I just need to vent and maybe find help here????

I have an 8yo and 1yo and my postpartum from my second has been dragged to now still maybe getting worse? I have therapists but my recent session now has me feeling more helpless? I tried a few meds but overall did not feel better was having bad thoughts. I guess I can be honest here I have days most times where I don't feel good enough as a person in any situation (work home etc). I go outside, im active, I try to get enough rest. I do all the things they say to do. I even started to go out and see friends more to try and find myself again. My relationship had ended but overall he's trying to help me through this but im not sure he can anymore. I have days where if a car was coming im not sure id be running if I was alone. I don't know how to help myself. If im being honest im still here for my kids and thats about it. But they're def going to eventually feel that im faking making through each day. I dont want them to bare the burden of my mental illness and im scared. If anyone has experienced this or overcame this please comment thank you.