I just want it to stop.

This is a lot. I’m 16 and I started stretching my ears. I was hoping to keep it a secret and I have, until today. Dad found my glass plugs for my ears and is very upset with me. He wants to ground me, my mom told me how much she hates people with “ugly big ear holes,” and my grandma won’t shut up about how much she hates my uncles stretched ears. I’m only at a 5mm, so it’s not even that noticeable and just looks like regular earring when I have them in. My dad told me I’m not 18 and can’t do whatever I want because he’s in charge. I just want to know why they think a hole in my ear getting bigger affects them in any way. They said God wouldn’t be proud of it. But why would God be mad about a big hole in my ear? Them using God as an excuse for not letting me be myself or do anything just pushes me away from God. I do believe in God, but I do question it a lot and it’s just really confusing for me. My parents pretty much just hate me. They’re always yelling at me, no matter what I do. But they never yell at my sisters. I’ve been depressed since 7th grade. I haven woken up a day since then not wanting to end my it. I told my parents about it and my mom told me she would slap me next time I tried to talk about it because it makes her mad to hear me say it. I have really bad social anxiety and I struggle to just walk out of my room because I just don’t know what to say to anyone not even my family, and it’s always awkward. There’s so much more that goes on, but I just want out. I don’t want to wait almost another year just to get away from them, I don’t know how much longer I can deal with feeling hated by my parents whole family and my feelings ignored. And my mom is really simple, she just doesn’t understand anyone’s feeling but hers and it makes it so hard to explain how I feel without her shutting me down or getting extremely angry. It just seems like she hates that I’m my own person with my own feelings. I can’t wait until I’m able to move out, they don’t let me do anything. It’s really starting to take a big toll on my already bad mental health. They don’t know it, but I’m also lesbian and genderfluid, which is a huge no no in this house, and I just feel like everyone hates me and I don’t know what to do. I really cannot last another year in this house or I might just end it, and I wish I wasn’t being serious. I feel like one more thing might push me over the edge and I don’t want to go there. In just struggling so much with everyone on top of that and I don’t have anyone to talk to and nobody ever takes me seriously. I’ve also been sexually assaulted, manipulated, and blackmailed by an old friend and anytime I mention anything about it, my parents blame me for what happened, even though I didn’t really understand what was happening until the friendship ended. Everything is always my fault in this house. My mom dropped a cup? I was trying to talk to her and distracted her. My sister is crying because someone said something mean to her at school? My fault for not sticking up for her despite not even being there that day. It’s all too much. My only best friend is an absolute fucking idiot, all she does is tell me life will get better. But I don’t care if life gets better anymore, because everyone always says that, but if life got better, why would adults commit suicide? I told her about how my mom said she would slap me next time I told her I wanted to end it and asked what my mom thought slapping me would accomplish, and I said that it wouldn’t make things better and it would just make me want to kill myself in front of her, and she laughed and told me I was so funny. I told myself if I didn’t make friends this year that I was just going to kill myself, and I did make a friend, ones who has no idea what life is like despite the fact that she’s almost fucking 20. She doesn’t know how to do anything. She ignores everyones texts and calls because it’s exhausting. She told me she doesn’t understand how adults can still self harm and that they need to grow up. She also told me she’s never been suicidal. I just hate how dumb every single fucking person in my life is. I told one of my old friends I was lesbian and instead of saying okay, she told me that maybe I would just end up not getting married. Is that what u deserve just because I’m a fucking faggot? Is that all I’m ever going to be to anyone? Is anyone ever going to actually care about me? am I ever going to be friends with someone who isn’t an absolute waste of time?