AIW for moving my money into my own account

Some context. I (19F) just started my first semester at a new university 4 hours away from home this past January. This was my first time finally being an adult and feeling any sort of freedom from my parents. My stepdad married my mom and adopted me when I was 8 years old. He has 3 older kids who moved out already, so you would expect him to be a mature and wise dad. He is the only dad I’ve had in my life, but as times goes on I feel more and more like cutting him off once I am able. His personality, attitude, and ideologies are just things I would rather not deal with in my life. I consider myself to have a pretty empty childhood where I missed out on many things and had to stress about so many insignificant things because of him. Even my mom is starting to “rebel” against him, finally for the first time in 10 years. He is a very controlling person.

When I was 17, he helped me open my own bank account for which he is still currently the co-owner of. He is a Marine veteran, so I get some money every month from the Veterans department as long as I continue going to school. I got my first job right before I turned 19 (late I know) and my mom secretly helped me make my own separate checking account with no co-ownership so I could put my paychecks in there. He was so angry when he found out (he found my physical card in the mail because he opens everyone’s mail) and reasoned that I was irresponsible with money and didn’t need my separate account. Hopefully this helps a little to explain what kind of person he is.

Before I began this past semester, he kept pushing me to work at the Veterans Affairs office on campus. I told him I didn’t want to work there, after seeing on the contract that I would be making the federal minimum wage. But he forced me to apply and work there anyways. I know I still could have said no at my grown age, but I have been so used to not making my own decisions that I just can’t bring myself to. It is still very hard for me to do things on my own, without his intervention or sudden feelings of helplessness. I did tell him that my paycheck would go into my account and not the one he made for me (BTW we call that one the college account and I only use it for things related to school expenses) but he said no and it will go in the college account. I put my foot down and kept saying it will go in my account.

I finally got paid about 3 days ago, but the money was automatically sent to my college account because I guess that account was already on file with the Veterans department. I had thought my boss would ask for my bank details, but no. So 2 days ago, I decided to transfer the whopping $300 I made by working in the office from my college account to my own account. He got the notification of the transfer and immediately texted me. Let me copy and paste his first text. “The $367.27 you transferred was earned under the federal work study which is to help pay your tuition costs. It needs to stay in your college account.” Which I replied with “then can i apply to a different job? for my own money” Honestly I think my responses were not the smartest I could’ve gone with but I was already having a bad day and letting my anger issues type for me.

“Sure, but you still have to pay the federal loan.”

“i will not be doing the work study anymore. there is more than enough in the college account for that loan already”

“Fine. It doesn't matter. That money was gained under a federal work study.”

“i still worked for it did i not. i was planning on getting a job on campus but you made me do that job instead”

“Not the point. Only reason you worked was for the "federal" work study. Look at the definition.”

“which took my time away that i could have worked somewhere else and i told you i didnt want that job in the first place”

“Go to bed. You're like talking to a wall. Blame it on me. Nothing is EVER your fault.”

“im not blaming you. i am just saying what happened? why are you getting mad”

“Nothing was stopping you in getting a second job. You barely worked for the VA I don't want to talk anymore tonight. You are very ungrateful. Go to bed.” (The office was having a hard time getting me my contract so I wasn’t able to work for the whole semester. But it was my first time being away from home, in a new place, where I knew no one. I don’t regret not working for my first couple months there and regardless it seems irrelevant.)

“this has nothing to do with gratefulness but ok”

Since then, he has not talked to me and acts like I am invisible. Which he does every time we argue/I disagree with him. This can go on for weeks. He even did it when I dyed my hair a color he didn’t like. I just feel like he is so childish and petty for someone over 40 years older than me. Him, my mom, and my little brother went grocery shopping and ate at a restaurant today. He obviously didn’t want me to go so I decided to stay home because I didn’t want to be near him anyway. When they got home, my brother told me that he bought a One Piece yogurt drink and he wanted to get me a Dragon Ball one but my stepdad said I can’t have anything since I decided to not go. My brother also told me that my stepdad told him I never think I am wrong. My brother is 10 BTW. My stepdad said that I am like talking to a wall, but in my eyes he has been the biggest wall in my life for the past 11 years. Every argument ends with him “winning” or just having a horrible attitude for a week. He never has consideration for others’ opinions, decisions, or anything. He argues with my mom also, but she is not as hot-headed or outspoken as I am. (Typical Asian mom and first born daughter haha) IDK if maybe I am just crazy and overreacting or what but everyone I have confided in about him over the years have told me I’m not. Thank you for letting me vent a little.