gaslighting about abuse

I went through three of my records from programs and found some really disturbing common themes of therapists gaslighting me about the sexual abuse I experienced from my dad when I was a young child.

my mom told the programs that I was lying. and of course they always believe the parent…here’s an example of a therapist documenting my moms explanation. I replaced names with the parentheses

“(mom) further explained that (me) has a lot of aggression and anger towards (dad) whom she described as ‘loving and supportive’ she described (me) as defiant since childhood. she described (me) weaknesses ‘stubborn, strong willed, defiant through childhood, always testing boundaries, lying’”

Now here is the documentation of the therapists gaslighting me and painting me as a confused mentally ill teen. (also, later on when I was 13-14 I was sexually abused by a family friend. they had DNA evidence for this one, versus with my dad I told much later so they didn’t have enough evidence to prosecute)

“(me) has made allegations against her father and there has been question about (me) confusing her father with the adult family friend who was very close friends with her father”

“it was reported that there is some question about whether (me) is experiencing transference related to her father in light of his close relationship to the male family friend who offended her”

“individual continues to put forth allegations of abuse by father-which seems to border on delusional”

“she demonstrated a pattern of distrust and suspiciousness- that seems to border on paranoia in context of relationship with father”

There’s also documentation of my mom saying she would allow my extremely inebriated dad put me to bed every night in this state:

“She explained that during the time his drinking was problematic especially when intoxicated. She noted that he was not able to have coherent conversations as his speech was often slurry and disorganized. She further mentioned that he would even try to help (me) with her home-work but was "way off." She clarified and stated that despite being intoxicated and having a drinking problem, (dad) was never abusive.”

How do you know he wasn’t abusive if we were alone for hours in my room. you weren’t there…and for the therapists to believe my mom instead of me?? I’m not surprised looking back on it but it’s an ongoing trauma for me.