It's possible: We can make friends who love us unconditionally and understand our AuDHD needs

I just had to share a really positive experience I had with a friend to give some hope to all the AuDHD girlies who struggle with friendships and feel alone. My whole life, I've lost friend after friend and always felt out of place and misunderstood with other girls/women. I feel like friendships with other females can be one of our biggest struggles as female AuDHDers.

This past week was my 34th birthday. The past few years I've had a rough time at my birthday for various reasons, and this year I'd lost my only brother 2 months ago so I've been going through a really hard time. I'd been invited to my friend's family's cottage for my birthday weekend and was just expecting a chill weekend with my partner, my friend, and her partner.

I arrived and was so surprised that my friend (we'll call her S) had planned a whole tropical themed weekend with decorations, a plan, and everything. Her mom had gone up before us and decorated my and my partner's bedroom, cooked us a themed dinner, and made us themed welcome drinks when we arrived like we were at a resort. When I arrived and saw everything they'd planned, I almost started crying because of how loved I felt.

We've been friends for 6+ years and I've spent a ton of time with S, we've traveled together, and overall know each other very well. She has ADHD but no autism, but has always been one of my biggest supporters since my autism diagnosis. She and her mom accommodate my needs in a way no other friends (or even my own mom) ever have. I felt so seen when I arrived and found:

- a full agenda printed in a themed design for each day of the weekend including times and meals so I knew what to anticipate

- a meal plan for each day including safe foods that I enjoy

- a mix of fun outings as a group, chill activities, and down time to rest and be alone

- a gift basket with things I love, like my favourite chocolate bars

- asking me multiple times if I liked what they'd planned and letting me know we can adjust anything as I need

Not only did I have fun on my birthday weekend, but I just felt so seen, understood, and accepted. S and her mom planned a weekend-long birthday surprise for me including every last detail, and everything about it was things that I actually liked. There was no masking to pretend I appreciated something that I actually disliked, no panicking because I can't eat the food being served, and no being asked to do things for "fun" that I actually hate. Everything was planned just for me by people who love and understand me. And no one was upset if I had to leave to go be alone or rest because I got overwhelmed or overstimulated from what was going on.

I really wanted to share to let everyone struggling with friendships know that it might not always be that way. I didn't expect to ever meet someone (other than my romantic partner) who wanted to understand my AuDHD needs and not just accommodate, but do something big that makes me feel special and seen. Especially at the age of 34. I feel like we all struggle making friends, especially as adults. And a good friend doesn't need to do a big gesture like that either. S is aware of and accommodates my needs in small ways every time we see each other, like times when I go to her house and we cook a meal together that's one of my safe foods. Or when we just sit together quietly and do our favourite hobbies together. And I support her with her ADHD needs as well. We have a very well balanced friendship where we care for and understand each other.

This type of friendship is something I've always wished for that I've finally found, and I hope anyone reading this can find a safe friend like this too ❤️