We can be right to be alarmed sometimes!

I 31M now, was 28M when my experience with RJ happened.

My gf was an aquatintance then a close friend before we became lovers, and we had an amazing relationship and connection, we were great to one another, cared about each other and had that type of intimacy with care understanding and trust.

I already knew she had more partners than i did and that wasn't an issue at all, however i was a bit upset that she allowed herself to be disrespected sticking to a known cheater and causal rich man just because he made her laugh and needed company, but i still considered her the victim.

I was more alarmed when she told me she cheated on an ex out of spite.

I was seriously alarmed and started having real RJ when she told me (without me asking) that the worst she did was when she met a guy in a public gatherings and later accepted his invitation to his house where they had sex knowing he's married, she deeply regretted that and didn't talk to him since. This was a major turning point in our relationship and i had a lot of thoughts and feelings and experienced intense flashes of RJ. The RJ got really worse when she pressured me to take action towards commitment and marriage, i started having nightmares and felt in serious danger.

It took me a long time and effort to understand what i was going through, over time I started to see more clearly and see through the details of what caused the ominous feelings.

She had a terrible childhood beyond imagination, was impulsive and it showed in many aspects of her life, she struggled with different types of mental issues, she couldn't help herself and her past isn't a result of her decisions as she had more demons to wrestle with than regular people.

I decided that she's a clear risk of infidelity and although she may have a chance of improving her life, I wasn't sticking around as her lover. We did however maintain the same level of intimacy in a platonic relationship.

I ended up being the ex she tells everything and the new guy, she's now married and she used a lot of gaslighting to get the guy to commit to her and ignore red flags.

I feel sorry for how life treated her, and i feel sorry for the guy who married her, she already tried to cheat on him with me.

My conclusion is: before calling RJ an issue, make sure to do the work to separate the issue from the right intuition.

Blessings to you all on both sides of RJ.