Suspected food tampering, how to report to police?

Caution, messy hood rat activities described below, if you’re gonna be judgmental just scroll and worry about your wonder bread girl

I live in a small town (before anyone comes at me for being judgmental or crazy, for context I live in one of the brokest and highest crime areas of Michigan, life here may look different from life for you..) where everyone gossips and knows each other, and I got into it yesterday with a road rage driver who cut me off when I had right of way, brake checked me twice which was a fail because I wasn’t on their ass, etc.

which ended in a confrontation at the end and I later posted about what happened in a local Facebook page dedicated to shitty drivers and people who can’t park. I didn’t give any identifying information besides the color and make of their car when I made the post.

This one meth head started arguing with me and probably commented on my post nearly 100 times and I was having fun running in circles around their weak ass comebacks lol.

Eventually I just blocked this person and went about my day and forgot about it all. No idea who that person was but I highly doubt they would have the balls to say anything they said online to my face, unfortunately for them as a hood rat I definitely would. Lol, so anyway…

Later I went to the local Taco Bell. It was a super long wait for one free item that I redeemed on the app. I didn’t think anything of that either until this busted bitch with a face like a leather baseball glove and two different colors of cheap eyeshadow opened the window, looked at me with a sneering smirk and a glint in her non-lazy eye, and silently handed me my food and then closed the window again.

Very different from the usual service I get there. I knew something was up right away and almost didn’t eat the food because I could sense something was weird but I was so hungry I was like whatever I’m just being paranoid.

Less than an hour later I had the most severe diarrhea of my life, entire body sweating, I had to take off all my clothes and almost fainted and vomited all while shitting the whole time. Y’all my vision was going blurry and everything, even my eyelids were sweating, it was BAD.

I’m 99.9 percent sure a crony of either the road rage bitch or the Facebook tweaker had a buddy (or maybe herself?) working at Taco Bell, and they knew it was me because I ordered on the app and they would have seen my full name, which is a recognizable name, and they put laxatives in my food.

I have never ever had an experience like that, I eat Taco Bell all the time and never get an upset stomach, and I don’t have any IBS like conditions. I also didn’t eat anything else prior to this happening.

As soon as it was over I felt better so I know it’s not food poisoning, I also don’t think food poisoning would have happened this fast.

So anyway, this is obviously against the law. Very illegal to mess with people’s food, they don’t know what medical condition I may have had that might have killed me or something!

But how do I report this to the police in a way that is believable? I mean I already ate the food, how do I prove this actually happened??

What I’m saying is those types of crackhead hoes tend to cluster together so I’m sure they’re all friends and talked about me amongst each other and wanted to get revenge.

The app had my full name attached to my account, I’m the only person around with my first and last name combination, and a lot of people recognize my car because it’s pretty distinctive lol.

For all I know, one of the people I interacted with directly worked in the kitchen, saw my name come up for my order and said “oh look who it is”, wanted revenge, put laxatives in my food… and if you’re wondering why laxatives, idk if you know this but a lot of drug users carry laxatives on them because they can’t go without using them..

So yeah. How do I report this when I have essentially no proof? 😭