Im so ugly and i see no point in living if i cant be beautiful

Ive alwasy been the ugliest person in class. Ever since my first day in school Ive known it. I alwasy the way the other kids looked and i was jealous. Ive been asked out as a joke before and Ive been told straghit to my face by my "best freind" at the time that i was one of the ugliest in our class. Even today i still feel like this even tho it might not be true but idrk cus i have horribla facial dysphoria to the point where i dont remember how i look like. I have ideas of suicide everyday. My dad has guns and we have multiple super sharp knives in the kitchen. I will either shoot myself and or slit my wrist but i wont do anything to harm my face. Because when i get lowerd into the ground i want them to make me look beautiful. I want then to treat me like a doll and make me look like a real girl. But ill probably just overdoes seemes the easiest and least painful