Help

I need some serious help. Honestly, I’m not even sure how to get myself out of the situation I’m in.

I’ve been with my first child’s mother since college. Looking back, I made a lot of mistakes. I cheated on her repeatedly throughout our relationship, and eventually I got another woman pregnant. Despite everything I put her through, she stayed with me.

Later, after she became pregnant with our second child, I decided that I no longer wanted to be in a relationship. Around that same time, our lease was ending. She told me she didn’t have enough money to get another place on her own, so I decided to move her and our children into a townhouse. However, I made it clear that I was not continuing a romantic relationship.

We are both educators, and during that time I was still involved with the woman I had gotten pregnant. She eventually gave birth to our son in 2020. By the time I moved my first children’s mother and our kids into the townhouse, my son from the other relationship was already three years old.

After about two years of living in the townhouse, things completely fell apart. My first children’s mother became frustrated with the situation and eventually filed a restraining order against me. As a result, I was removed from my own home. Since then, it feels like my life has been falling apart.

For a period of time, she wouldn’t let me see my children. I had to move back in with my mother and hire a lawyer just to fight for visitation and maintain a relationship with my kids. The stress of everything became overwhelming. My anxiety got so bad that I would have panic and anxiety attacks at work. It affected every job I tried to hold, making it difficult to function normally.

Eventually, I got into a relationship with the second mother of my son. That relationship has been difficult as well. She constantly reminds me of how I hurt her and the mistakes I made in the past. While I understand that I caused pain, it has felt like I’m blamed for everything, even though she knew I was already in a relationship when we became involved. In my opinion, she has never taken accountability for her own choices in the situation.

Most of this happened throughout 2024, and ever since then, it feels like my life has been one setback after another. Right now, I have no stable job, no car, and no home of my own. I have four children depending on me. What makes it even harder is that I’m not uneducated or lacking ambition. I already have a bachelor’s degree, and I’m expected to complete my master’s degree in December. My masters is in behavioral analysis to become a BCBA

Despite that, I feel completely lost. I don’t know how to get my life back on track. I’m filled with doubt, regret, and uncertainty about the future. I feel stuck in a relationship that I’m unhappy in, living in my partner’s parents’ house, and I don’t see a clear path forward.

I’m turning 34 next month, in July, and I’m scared that I’m wasting my life. I don’t want to keep feeling like a failure. I know I’ve made serious mistakes, and I accept responsibility for many of the problems I’m facing. But at this point, I genuinely want to change my life and become a better father, a better man, and a more stable person.

The problem is that I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to rebuild after losing so much. I don’t know how to leave a relationship that isn’t working, become financially independent again, and create a better future for myself and my children. Right now, I feel overwhelmed, discouraged, and completely unsure of what my next step should be. I’m
Currently trying to renew my ESE certification however my mind is so bad I can’t even seem to focus on studying.