Contacted both of my grandmothers for the first time in years

Im double no contact with both my parents and my siblings and very very low contact with other family members. Im only no contact with my father and siblings because i didn't want to put them in a situation where they'd be a proxy for my mother, my siblings were just kids when I left so i didn't want them to have to deal with a complicated relationship like that, and idk because im a coward?

My brother died 4 years ago and its been haunting me the whole time because he was who I was closest to and we used to agree that we were abused and we would both be leaving. Obviously that changed when I left so he never did leave. I only just now got out of the denial phase. I just messaged my grandmothers (despite me holding quite a few negative feelings towards them because they abused my parents and essentially put me in this situation) and asked one how my brother died. I saw my younger sister at her job which has brought up a lot of feelings I havent been really dealing with for a long time. I wish I could talk to her. But i know she hates me. I left when she was 10 and every interaction with her has been only toxic. She also didn't go through what me and my brother went through so she doesn't believe anything i say. Idk i think im just rambling. Im not sure what im trying to accomplish with this post. I guess, i need affirmation i made the right choice leaving and some support.