I bit my own arm thinking I was being attacked

(English isn't my first language, sorry for any errors)

I've decided to share this experience with strangers on the internet because I don't think anyone around me will get it, I'm going to also share some of my experiences because I believe they might have contributed to this panic attack.

The actual incident is in the last paragraph.

I'm a paranoid individual, and I have been from a very young age. I can remember some of the bizarre dreams I used to have when I was around seven, a weird black horned creature was my most common nightmare.

I used to be very jumpy over almost everything, normal things like a table or fridge jumpscared me when I was lost in thought, I'd laugh it off but still have a weird irrational fear of whatever scared me, like it might be something disguising itself as the fridge. This slowly wore off as I got older.

I always, and I mean always check every corner of my house before even thinking of going to bed, even when I am bed I still wonder if really checked everywhere and it would bother so much to the point of rechecking the whole house again, even as I type this, I went and confirmed it I locked my front door (it's around midnight as of typing).

I know this is a problem but swear I can't help myself, even when I'm truly sure everything is secure I still have to check at least two more times.

It is exhausting living like this and still can't stop, because if do my mind makes up the worst possible scenarios until I give in.

I didn't have the best childhood, I was bullied a lot in primary school and teachers here can beat and mistreat students with little to no consequences, my mom was my very best friend and was my only friend, my siblings are older than me and during that time they we're in universities far from home. I only saw my dad maybe three or four days a year and he only seemed to care when my grades dropped.

This, among others, really fucked up my self esteem and I still have an awful time dealing with anxiety especially when going to school (I'm in college right now). I get paranoid at night and anxious during the day, although things are going okay in my life I still struggle a lot with these.

Last night I went to bed pretty late, like 3:00am, I scrolled my phone for a bit then covered up to sleep. What didn't realise is that I slept on my arm and it had gone numb, I was woken up by a weird dream that made me unsettled and then fucking lost it when I felt an arm move across my face, I bit the shit out of that mothefucker while screaming "I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU" I was in total panic and genuinely thought someone/something was attacking me and I genuinely thought that I was going to die. I rolled around for probably thirty seconds then ran as fast as I could to turn on the lights, I saw nothing, my arm was bleeding and the whole house was awake, I was too embarrassed to tell them what actually happened and just told them I saw a ghost, then we prayed and everyone went back to their bedrooms. I couldn't sleep cuz I kept thinking what if this weird fucking face shows up when I turn the lights off, so I waited for sunrise. I felt really off the whole day and honestly I'm still unsettled by that. I made a post on the goofy confessions sub but it wasn't entirely truthful because I didn't know what to think of this just yet.

I honestly don't know what to think of this

(I can't afford therapy)