Being young and Poly is Harder than I realized

Hey y’all, first post ever so please excuse if I’m a bit off in my wording. It’s just a vent because I’m kinda upset tbh.

I (NB21) have known I was poly for some time. Dabbled in high-school with partner who was not poly but knew they were open. That’s a whole story for a different day but I am still friends with one of those partners till this day. I say it’s the lesbian in us but that’s also my ride or die lol.

Anyways I am now happily multi partnered but I have the unfortunate timing of being younger than all of them (26,28,30) and this has come to a head recently. Not with them but with the community.

I totally get not everyone wants to date the 21 year old, and I’m pretty saturated dating wise anyways but my partners and I also go to play parties and group events together. Recently my NP joined a poly group and also invited a couple we are friends with, I’d honestly consider them in our polycule and they are also older.

I’ve gone to the day events but hadn’t be able to go to any of the play parties yet due to scheduling conflicts.

Well they are hosting one soon and I wanted to join this time. I do the paperwork and try to schedule a vetting so I could join my friends and partners. Well I have been told I’m too young. I didn’t read the event page all the way through as I planned to just go with my partners and I trust them, especially since one has been to a play party by these people before. Everyone else already has their tickets and so I started asking how to get mine, just to be told that the event is 25+ and I would be unable to go.

I’m genuinely devastated, not only are there not many play parties that have as secure of a community as this, but I will be one of the only people in our polycule (out of the partners who live in this state with us) not going. The FOMO is hitting full force and although I (kinda) understand why they have the age limit, it still kinda hurts. I missed the one for my NP’s birthday this year already and I felt so bad. Although now I’m finding out I wouldn’t have been able to go anyways. And also now to find out I won’t be able to go to any play parties with this community it seems until 2030!! I have a late in the year birthday and no play parties during the holidays.

Yes of course there are others communities and events but I got attached to this community and love the people, but now I feel like if I go to the day time events it’ll be awkward for me. My bff says I should ask directly why it’s 25+ cause it might help me visualize better why the rule is in place but at this point I’m too upset. I can kinda understand why it is probably like this, after all most rules are made cause someone fucked around and found out, but it still sucks.

Anyways that’s the vent, idk if there are any other younger poly people who deal with this or if maybe I’m in my ass and need to take a seat. My NP said we should start our own community especially since he’s also notices the lack of people closer to our age in the community.

TLDR: I’m too young to go to any play parties within what feels like an already small community for 4 years that my partners are already involved in and it sucks. FML