Married, But Lonely

New here, so I hope this is the right place to post. I'm feeling confused and don't really know what to think anymore, so I'd appreciate some outside perspectives.

I (37F) met my husband (45M) 14 years ago. We've been married for 12 years and have two children together.

During the first year of our relationship, our sex life was fantastic. In the second year, the frequency started to decrease, and it has gradually gotten worse over time. I know life happens- kids, work, stress, responsibilities but sex has always been important to me.

For me, sex is more than just physical. It's a way to connect, feel desired, and maintain intimacy with my partner. I enjoy affection, sensuality, foreplay, and feeling wanted. My husband has never really been interested in that. Most of the time, sex was very straightforward: little to no foreplay, sex, maybe a position change or two, and then done. Sometimes that's fine, but not every time.

I've communicated my needs over the years, but nothing really changed.

I was also the one initiating sex most of the time. I experienced a lot of rejection, and what hurt even more was knowing that he masturbated frequently. He admitted even from the beginning he had a porn addiction. That left me feeling unwanted, unattractive, and wondering why he preferred that over being intimate with me.

To be clear, he's a good father and a good partner in many ways. This isn't a case of him being a bad husband overall.

But now we've reached a point where we barely have sex at all. He says he's tired, stressed, and has a low libido. He even tried medication at one point, but stopped taking it.

One thing that makes this especially hard is that whenever I ask him if he still desires me, he always says "100%."

But if I'm honest, his actions make it feel like the opposite.

I've even told him that if he's no longer attracted to me, I would rather he just be honest. It would hurt, but I think I could handle the truth. What I struggle with is living in this constant uncertainty.

I don't know if it's stress, low libido, porn, aging, loss of attraction, or something else entirely. I feel like I'm constantly trying to figure out what's really going on, and that has become exhausting.

At this point, I think the uncertainty hurts more than the rejection.

I'm scared to bring it up again because I don't want to add more stress to his life. At the same time, I'm struggling. I miss intimacy. I miss feeling desired. I miss that connection.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is there a way back from this, or am I expecting too much after so many years together?