any stragglers left in dms + requests who haven't given up on me...? (tw reckless n trauma-dumpy)

im trying to make sense of things

specifically, trying really, really fkin hard to make sense of myself

my biggest issue when i make posts seeking social connections is that i don't know enough about my own interests - these last few years of my life especially have bn chaotic to the point that ive forgotten p much all of my hobbies (paired with the variety of ways i discredit myself for being cringe n boring n not having anything worth saying)

but when ur so broke that u sometimes can't afford food n meds..hobbies kinda disappear for a bit. all that existed were my physical n mental symptoms. then my ex left me n there was no choice left but to move back in w my parents

and here? my time is never my own. im only lucky if/when they're busy n they didn't leave me w too much to do while they're gone. otherwise im always, always on eggshells

n im so fucking exhausted

exhausted n confused, dizzyingly so. like every time i manage to kinda-sorta orient myself im made to spin around another 30+ times until im all mixed up again

...it's hard to socialize in the midst of all that

let alone give an accurate depiction of the real person buried deep in here somewhere

does that make sense?

and despite knowing all these things im gonna be terrible at - *especially texting*, let alone im terrible at even sorting myself out, even knowing myself *at all* not even enough to express (tho i fight, i try, and it's clumsy, it's ugly, i disappear for days - *weeks* from those who i care about most)

despite knowing im terrible at *all these things*

...do u maybe still wna b my friend?