Black and White Moral Comparisons to FP?

My FP and I are currently taking a month break from each other. This is a friend I’ve had since middle school, and I’m now 26. We both agreed that we weren’t in a good place individually, and that wasn’t helped by me having episodes that involved her or being triggered by her friends. This is someone I love dearly, and when we’re good, we’re really good. That being said, there are a lot of things about my FP as a person that lead to me making comparisons that end up toxic.

While I’m also articulate, my FP has done a lot of therapy, was raised in a much more emotionally secure home, and in a lot of ways is more emotionally intelligent, sensitive, and available than I am. It leads me to a lot of “she’s always right, I’m always wrong” thinking, and that just makes this worse. I feel like I’m constantly trying to live up to her moral standards, her level of communication, her level of success socially and professionally. She says that she sees value in me, but I can’t see it in myself. On top of my BPD, I have cerebral palsy. Growing up a wheelchair user inherently affected my self worth. I don’t feel like I’m enough. I don’t feel like I’m a good person.

I guess my question is, has anyone been able to have a healthy relationship with an FP when feelings like this are at play? I don’t want her to leave my life, but I feel like I cause more grief and pain, add more burden to her life than I do benefit. Advice would be greatly appreciated.