I (25F) have feelings for my best friend (25M) but he's in a relationship with another of my best friends (25F). How can I get rid of these feelings ?

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some advice because there's honestly no one around me I really feel comfortable talking to about this, and it's been weighing on me for weeks.

My best friend (25M) and I (25F) have known each other since middle school. Back then, I thought he was cute, but we weren't particularly close, and I soon started dating my (now ex) boyfriend. We stayed together for several years before breaking up a few years ago. I've been single ever since, aside from a few dates that never led anywhere.

On his side, after my breakup, my friend introduced me to his girlfriend (25F), and over time I became very close to both of them. They're now two of my best friends. As the years went by and I spent more time with my male best friend, I started developing feelings for him. I immediately tried to ignore them and convinced myself they weren't real. I didn't want them to become a problem for me or affect my friendship with either of them. For a while, that worked.

Then, a few months ago, he more or less told me that he liked me and that he was feeling confused. He was going through a strange period in his life. I used every ounce of self-control I had to push my own feelings aside and help him understand what he was experiencing. I tried to remove myself from the equation and redirect the conversation toward him and his girlfriend, encouraging him to focus on understanding what was going on in his relationship instead. He told me he loved his girlfriend. He ended up talking to her about it, I talked to her as well, and things seemed to settle down.

Recently, though, he brought it up again. He told me he's been working through those feelings and understands them better now and how to move past them, but he also said I seem to have everything he could want in a girlfriend, even if he knows he's probably idealizing me. At the same time, he still loves his girlfriend. Hearing all of this has made it much harder for me to keep suppressing my own feelings.

The truth is, I've been repressing them for years. A few days ago, I talked about it with someone for the first time, and my whole body started shaking as if I were sick. I don't know what to do with these feelings or how to make them go away. I don't want to damage their relationship, and I don't want to lose either of them. I just want to be bestfriends with both of them, without any ambiguity, and continue enjoying the friendship we have.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it? I'll take any advice...