Haven’t told anyone what she did never ever, it kills me

I was 19, living in a street with two store buildings. Just a normal life mom, dad me. Next house is rented by a mid age couple. 50-55 something. I never knew what he did, i believe she had a beauty salon. She was always busy, goes early comes home around 8 pm and husband came around same time. On sundays everybody home in all houses mostly. We had this little backyard garden and i would love to sit during summer. They had same garden, their laundry dries in there on sundays. I was sitting in garden listening music on headphones. on the corner of my eye i saw a slight movement. Suddenly turned as a reflex, she was out without anything on top. Took a tshirt from drier. Wore it and head back in. I was incredibly hard. After a few steps she realized i was there and i was locked in on her. She didnt mind or acted like that went back in. After that day i am 36 now havent had a day i didnt think of her. Few days later, she came back from work. She went to the room upstairs, which has a slight view of my room. As soon as i saw light on that side, turned my light off and watched. She took a Tshirt and short then turned lights off i knew she was gonna change. In that darkness i saw some silhouettes of her tits. I was slowly rubbing myself watching her on my knees. I dont know what happened she stopped during changing, she brought a chair and sit across the window in the dark. I knew she was masturbating also. Then a car in driveway she suddenly got up and left. Next morning i woke up heard mom talking someone, i headed to downstairs. On the ladder i saw her feet and suddenly realized that was her. Mom said she is our neighbour something and visited us to say hi. I was so surprised and i said something like hi welcome and left. 15 min later she was gone. Same day mom and dad went out. I was playing video games. Bell rang went downstairs without turning of any lights. Opened the door and there she was. Wearing denim shorts, wearing slippers, white tshirt and toe nails painted dark red. She came in without asking and saying anything. Pushed me to door, went down took my penis out started sucking. I was hard immediately. Boy she was sloppy. I cant remember what i did but i remember something like me saying let me fuck you. She didnt say anything took my hand to her tits. İ grabbed she sucked. I believe i tried not to cum for 2 mins then i let that go. She got up spit in all in the ground and left. Nothing , not even a conversation happened anytime again. So they moved eventually. I still masturbate to that image in my mind her naked tits in backyard.

Thx for reading.