How to feel better about myself

Disclaimer I will be talking a bit about weight/body image in this post!

I recently started my first bulking season as a beginner bikini bodybuilder. I have been bigger before in my life (I was obese as a young child) but I have never intentionally gained weight only lost it. I’ve been trying to get more comfortable in my own body but I just do not like the way I look right now at all and I know I’m going to get bigger. I know it’s for an important end goal which is what keeps me going but I don’t want to hate myself so much in the meantime. I’ve been trying to do other things like I got my hair done, tanning, did my eyebrows and lashes to feel prettier in the meantime and just cover my body up as much as I can so I don’t have to look at it. Has anyone else experienced this in a bodybuilding context? Or in general what should I be doing to at least not focus so much on it if I’m not yet able to see myself positively?