I don’t know if he fucking likes me

My friend gives me constant mixed signals. I’m obsessed with him, and every time we hang out I’m going berserk in my head. I constantly resist the urge to put my arms around him. He switches between performative and genuine so sporadically. I want to make advances but if I’m wrong, I get outed.

Things shifted suddenly this week and he started looking for one-on-one time with me and I’m so freaking confused. It’s so incredibly unhealthy to stay around him but I can’t get myself to give up. Every time I feel like I’m moving on, he shifts the dynamic and pulls me towards him again.

All I want to do is kiss his obnoxiously soft lips. I want to rest my head on his chest while he puts his arms around me, and breathe in his smell. I have so much love I want to give him but it’s being kept inside me, along with this heartbreaking crush that fills every second of every day.