I just told my Muslim friends I left Islam, and now I'm filled with anger. What do I do?

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I don't really know where else to talk about this, so I'm posting here.

I was originally Christian, then I left Christianity and converted to Shia Islam. I was Muslim for about three years. During that time, I genuinely tried to build a connection with God and take my faith seriously. At first I felt something, but over time that feeling faded.

Eventually, I left Islam and returned to Christianity. There were both personal and theological reasons for my decision.

Theologically, I found myself increasingly struggling with Islamic teachings and becoming more convinced by Christian beliefs. I came to believe that Jesus Christ is more than a prophet and that He is who Christians say He is. I also found myself disagreeing with Islam's rejection of the crucifixion and resurrection, which are central to Christianity. I struggled with the Islamic view of Jesus, the authority of Muhammad, and some of the explanations I was given regarding the Bible and Christian doctrine. Over time, I felt that Christianity provided answers that made more sense to me personally and spiritually.

On top of that, I believe I had powerful spiritual experiences involving Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary that reinforced my decision to return to Christianity.

But theology wasn't the only reason I left.

I'm Black, and as a Black Shia Muslim, I often felt out of place. I experienced racism and racial prejudice from people within the community, and it deeply affected me. Looking back, I think I ignored or excused a lot of things because I wanted so badly to belong and make my faith work.

I go to a majority Muslim school, and I never told anyone that I left Islam. Until today.

I was on a call with a group of friends, most of whom are Muslim and Arab. At first everything was normal, but then some of them started casually saying the N-word with the hard R. I was shocked and angry. It wasn't the first time I'd dealt with racist behavior, but something in me finally snapped.

I told them I was done with them.

Then they started saying things like "wallah" and swearing by God, and I basically told them I didn't care. I told them that I wasn't Muslim anymore and that, according to my beliefs, Christ teaches not to swear by heaven or earth. They were confused and asked, "Wait, aren't you Muslim?"

For the first time, I told people I know in real life that I had left Islam.

Now I'm sitting here feeling exhausted, angry, hurt, and honestly betrayed. Part of me is angry about the racism. Part of me is angry that I stayed silent about it for so long. Part of me is angry because I spent three years trying to fit into a community where I often felt like I didn't belong.

At the same time, I don't know what to do with all this anger. I don't want bitterness to consume me, but I also don't want to pretend that what happened didn't affect me.

Has anyone else left a religion, faith community, or friend group because of both theological disagreements and negative experiences with the people around them? How did you process the anger afterward, and how did you move forward without becoming consumed by resentment?