Not partaking of the bread/wine at Memorial & the power the org has over people

I'm an atheist now, but, after this year's invite to the Memorial 🤮, I got to thinking about how strange it really is.

Even though I don't believe in the Bible, I still feel like there's a beauty to genuine Christian beliefs (that is, following Jesus' teachings as described in the Bible...loving other people). As I thought about this more and more, it dawned on me how absolutely perverse it is that Witnesses celebrate something Jesus asked them to do, by completely ignoring the bread & wine that he asked his followers to eat and drink. And not just ignoring: actively choosing not to partake and passing the bread or wine along to the next person.

I think this is a testament to the power the cult has over people. They've taken something totally unambiguous from the Bible, where Jesus says, "drink from it, all of you," and they have convinced millions of people that they should do the exact opposite of what was asked. If there are no "anointed" people at the Memorial, every single person there will just pass the emblems along. I never thought about this before, but that's a level of control that is unfathomable.

Sometimes I feel ashamed that I didn't act on my doubts about being a JW earlier. I knew it didn't feel right. But I was a child, and how could a child escape from something like this? As I got older, their hold grew stronger. I made attempts, and I did leave a couple times, but it wasn't until I was in my early 30s that it stuck. I finally left completely and never looked back. It was very, very difficult, and it still is, because I can't see my family anymore. I think about them often and I wish I could be with them. They tell me that's "my fault." I know that it isn't, but it still hurts.

I wonder how my own spirituality and life might have been different without seeing everything through the filter of being a JW. Even something as seemingly simple as being a Christian and simply doing what Jesus asked was changed into something completely different.