Trouble closing the distance

Don't mind me I mostly just want to rant. It's 6am and I feel like crap. It's been a whole year of applying for a visa APPOINTMENT and we didn't get a single one. While we also threw away €100 for superlegalization for nothing.

Lately I've been thinking about actually flying there and just somehow marrying there. But during my not so thorough search I found that the Directive 2004/38/EC would not apply to us anyway and he would most likely have to apply for the same regular Schengen visa that we've been applying for this whole time. Long-term visa apparently wouldn't apply to us either. So marrying over there doesn't seem to hold any advantage.

This all makes me feel incredibly stuck in my life and I've been in a serious "waiting mode" for way over a year. I've been looking forward to spending this summer with him as we planned to close the distance shortly before last Christmas. But all of those plans fell through. Getting disappointed month after month is really starting to get to me..plus when you add family's remarks into the mix.. it doesn't feel bearable at all.