Don’t fit in.

As I went out the front yard with my dog while my family was inside during dinner, I had a thought that I don’t really fit in with my family. Sometimes I wonder who my sister would be if I were never here. She’d be more social and fit in better with the world and have friends. But because I sorta make an impact on this family I influence her and everyone else’s decisions too. Only recently did I have the thought that maybe I am the black sheep this year or last. Well idk. I never thought of myself as the black sheep. I’m loved somewhat but don’t really fit in either. I guess I never really reflected that yeah I am not a person that is very cohesive with others and that even includes my family, if I were to think of us as a unit. I was so devoted to my family tho so I didn’t really see that I guess. My passion for them covered up my separateness.

Maybe I’m being dramatic and I’m not a black sheep. Maybe I do belong. Idk. I guess it felt weird hearing them laugh while I was alone in the front. Well my dad is always alone too in his shed doing God knows what.

I always said that they felt like strangers to me, but I guess the reverse can apply too. I am a stranger to my parents too. They don’t know much about me. I don’t really explain who I am, I just am. I’m not communicative.

I don’t really know who I am. I don’t like labels. I’m just me. To fit in, is it that you have to sacrifice who you are? Do you have to package yourself to others? I don’t think that’s true. I think it’s in some people’s nature to close the gap with others or be better at communicating what they’re about. I know I’m meant to just be me but it’s been so long. It’s like idk how to be me anymore.

Anyways yeah I’m feeling that yeah I’m kinda different. I know that I belong in my family, but it also feels like I’m a weird person or something. Thankfully my sister gets me but yeah maybe we are all alone.