Should I speak up at my grandma’s funeral?

My dad died from cancer several years ago. We had a somewhat complicated relationship. He helped pay for my college and bought me a car, but he wasn’t very involved in my life otherwise. I always traveled to visit him and the only time he ever came to see me was for my wedding.

At one point, he told me he was leaving everything to me. I laughed and told him I hoped he lived long enough to spend all his money on himself and leave nothing behind.

Unfortunately, the last conversation I had with him was extremely sad. He became super emotional and said he had “messed up” and should have given it all to me. I didn’t really understand what he meant but didn’t want him to focus on that in his last days. I told him it didn’t matter because money wasn’t important.

After he died, I learned that his estate was split three ways between me (his only child), his brother, and his sister. My uncle was named executor, and there was a clause stating that anyone who contested the will would forfeit their inheritance. I was newly divorced and living in my own for the first time ever at that point, but I never challenged anything and accepted my share. I also didn’t complain when my aunt and uncle took his truck, boat, snowmobile, and anything else of value in his house.

What bothered me most wasn’t the money itself, but the fact that my dad seemed distressed about it in his final days. My aunt had often criticized me for not calling him enough and seemed resentful that he had helped me financially over the years. I have no doubt she pushed him into making the changes and it makes me sad imagining she had him questioning my love for him when doing so.

Now (several years later) my grandma has passed away. My aunt is handling the funeral arrangements and recently called to discuss some hunting land that is held in a trust that she had set up. She told me that each of us three grandchildren receives 5% of the trust, while she and my uncle receive the remaining majority share.

What struck me as odd is that my dad is no longer part of the picture at all. If my understanding is correct, his share did not pass to his beneficiaries but instead went directly to my aunt and uncle. I don’t know whether that’s unusual or completely normal estate planning.

Part of why this bothers me is that while I’m fine financially and I honestly don’t think there’s even that much money in the trust, my two cousins could really benefit from additional help. I’m also the only one of the 3 grandchildren who has children and will continue the family line. The land was very important to both my dad and grandpa, and they always talked about wanting it to stay in the family for future generations. Because of that, the way everything has been structured feels a little surprising to me.

The whole situation has brought up a lot of old feelings. I’m not looking to contest anything or get more money. I’m mostly trying to understand whether I’m viewing this through the lens of old wounds or whether some of this would seem unusual to other people as well.

Am I overreacting? Is it worth saying something about how wrong this feels? At this point, I don’t really even want to have a relationship with these people (for this and other reasons) but should I let them know why?