I do not need to be here I dont belong I never have I never will

I fucked up so bad in my teens and 20s and made myself a permanent magnet and portal for predatory males from a certain demographic and I gave myself a curse. You cannot escape a curse you earned and was already born cursed and made it worse. Never had any real friends and have been severely abused throughout my entire life by everyone. I've been abused by bus drivers and passengers, strangers harass and prey on me, bullied by ppl and put in dangerous no win situations, constantly made a fool out of and laughed at, hated my other women for being autistic and have been ganged up on, endured, smear campaigns from both males and women and just too much shit and I participated in my own predation by males and became too desensitized to it and now that I'm waking up I realize how abusive a loser who was almost 50 with multiple kids and grandkids who preyed on me at a job I was being abused at was. I was dumb and stupid and kept allowing predators like that loser to abuse and control me and now at 35, I want out of this world. I am tired of ppl staring shit with me being hated, targeted , humiliated ,etc, Im tired of being treated like a child not allowed to have or set boundaries, yelled at by by standers for telling a creep not to touch me. No one is on my side. I need to end my life. I was a stupid, stupid, dumb, crazy ass girl and was born this way, former egg donor said all the time"ppl know you crazy" and before I was born I was going to be a crazy baby. It's true. Been abused and beat up, ostracized all my life and punished, now it's time to do something worth the punishment