Thank you

I don’t know if you stumbled on my vent post, or if simply screaming and crying into the void actually worked for once, but… thank you. Today was really nice. I hate you selling your stuff, but I understand why. Thank you for putting the spices away and trying to do something with them. I really appreciated that even if you weren’t happy with what you made. The effort made it feel a little less like I wasted money. I was sad when you changed the song on the radio away from the love song. I wish you’d use those moments to bring us closer together instead of putting up walls. I’m extremely anxious right now, and while I respect the fact that it felt safer for you to sleep in your car versus next to me, it still stings. I get it, I don’t want to fight either, I just don’t get why it always has to come to that. I wish we could just have a relaxing night where we fall asleep together like regular people instead of nightfall becoming a Cold War. I can move past everything, I can forgive you, I can move forward and not let the hurt bother me if we can just have good days and calm nights. I know it takes time, it’s a process, blah blah. I just don’t know how we get there if the new normal is you sleeping alone like we don’t even live together. I don’t know. I still don’t trust you, you don’t trust me, sleeping with 3 closed doors between us doesn’t exactly feel like the way to get back to that. It still kinda feels like running away. But if it keeps us safe, whatever I guess. I’ll learn to live with it. I wish we could just be happy without all the extra steps. Everything is so complicated and I don’t understand why it has to be that way. I’m just typing now. This is dumb. I miss you. I’m not gonna be able to sleep again. I hope you’re already asleep by the time I post this. I’ll probably delete this too. I’m fine using my Reddit as a way to leave you notes and communicate, since I feel like I can’t really talk to you most of the time. I love you. I hope you’re warm.