I’m Pathetic

I lay on this couch scrolling through these posts and realize how much better I have it than all. Yet, I still want to kill myself out of hatred towards myself. I am as privileged as they come, a white Christian dude, yet I feel suicidal?? Yet I hate myself?? There is so much fucking suffering in this world, rape, murder, destruction, yet here I am wanting to kill myself because I’m so fucking lonely. I feel like a bitch compared to what these brave men and women have to go through everyday. I hate myself still. I just don’t deserve to feel suicidal (and I don’t mean that in a self righteous POS way) because my life isn’t all that bad, I should be grateful. Why am I not? Why do I still want to blow my head off?? There are people who have SUFFERED. SO. MUCH. MORE. And I am proud of all of those that are still alive in this server, y’all are beautiful and deserve the world for how strong y’all are. I also mourn all the suffering souls that have succumbed to their suicidal thoughts as well. I apologize for even being here because I am a piece of shit compared to what y’all have suffered. I don’t want to kill myself because of an issue in my life, I just hate myself so much and don’t think I deserve to live. I love y’all